One day, a certain Frenchman, for reasons known only to himself, decided to build a giant statue and give it to the people of the United States. America gratefully accepted. The only question was where to put the thing.

It was finally decided that it would be placed on a desolate island that had long been a cause of contention between the states of New York and New Jersey. Both sides claimed sovereignty.

Now, as long as the island was barren and unused, this issue remained no more than a friendly disagreement. Neither side really cared all that much. But as soon as the statue was built, each realized the enormous prestige and tourist revenues that possession would bring. The argument flared up and generated an untold amount of bitter feuding.

The two governors led the fight. Governor Gust of New Jersey, a slim, athletic man, who hated animals, roared "The people of our state will never allow themselves to be humiliated! We will fight for our rights and defend our frontiers even at the cost of rivers of blood! The island is ours!"

Governor Zephyr of New York, a somewhat pudgy, but mostly genial and soft-spoken gentleman announced "Well, we really don't want to make too much of a fuss. But it does seem as if we have the better claim..."

The dispute became so contentious that the country feared civil war. Finally, both sides agreed to bring the matter to the Federal Government and let them decide. Whatever the outcome, each would abide.

And so, Governor Gust and Governor Zephyr found themselves pleading their cases before the House Committee on Unpleasant Situations.

"The island in question," orated Gust, "is physically much closer to New Jersey. The laws of nature dictate, the laws of nature's God demand, righteousness itself declares, without doubt, it is ours! And furthermore, Zephyr is a moronic dullard!"

"Well," mumbled Zephyr, "It seems to me that New York has always been the symbol for opportunity and things like that, so I'd imagine that it would make a nifty home for the statue. And Governor Gust really is a bit rude."

The congressmen listened carefully, and then began to debate the issue. The friends of New York and those of New Jersey each stated their positions and listed the various merits of each side. Finally, a decision was reached. The Chairman, Congressman Graft, walked to his podium and banged his gavel.

"Ladies and Gentleman," he announced. "Upon due consideration and careful deliberation, the House Committee on Unpleasant Situations has boldly and courageously reached a decision concerning this delicate affair. We rule that the matter should be settled by the Supreme Court!"

And so, the next day, the two governors each listed their points in front of the highest court in the land.

"All history! All jurisprudence! All theology!" bellowed Gust. "All cry out from the rooftops that justice be served! New Jersey, they cry! New Jersey shall triumph! And besides, Governor Zephyr is the sorriest excuse for a man that I've seen since my mother-in-law dressed as Captain Hook at an All-Hallows-Eve party!"

"Well, I really regret that this has gotten so out-of-hand," sighed Zephyr. "But I do feel that New York would make the more fitting home. And, please Governor Gust, there's really no need to get personal."

The stone-faced judges, with their black robes, and their imposing frowns, looked down at them and listened carefully to every word. When both sides had pled their cause, they adjourned to their private chambers.

The governors waited anxiously for the decision. Several hours went by. Eventually, the justices paraded out, and informed them that they had arrived at a verdict.

"In the case of The People of New Jersey vs. The People of New York," declared Chief Justice Partial, "The court rules unanimously that the decision should be made by the President."

The next day Zephyr and Gust once again made their cases, this time in the Oval Office of the White House.

"Mr. President," implored Gust. "I stand here humbly. Modestly. Abjectly. A simple man making a simple case. An honest man seeking truth. A plain man seeking justice. I implore you, I beseech you, I entreat you: Do not be deaf to the pleas of the virtuous. Do not be callous to the pious nor cold to the meek. Decide in our favor and all the nations will sing your praise. All peoples will thank you. The heavens themselves will open and spew down blessings and benedictions upon your glorious temple! And furthermore, Governor Zephyr is the stupidest, most imbecilic, laziest, most worthless bastard son of a diseased baboon who's ever disgraced the country by serving in a high office the very syllables of which his slimy, greasy, puss-filled lips are not worthy to pronounce!"

"Now Governor Gust," cried Zephyr, "I really think you're going too far! I understand that you have a right to plead your case every bit as much as I do mine, but there's no reason we can't be civilized about it. Mr. President, I think the statue should belong to New York, and Gust thinks it should belong to New Jersey. I guess you're going to have to decide."

The President listened attentively. When both governors had spoken he turned to his aides and discussed the matter with them. The Secretary of the Interior whispered something in his left ear and he nodded. The Chief of Staff whispered something in his right ear and he frowned. The Vice-President dozed peacefully in a little chair in the corner.

Suddenly, the President's eyes lit up and he waved the crowd to be silent. "Gentlemen," he stated, "I have hit upon the solution, fair and equitable to all. This is the perfect opportunity to promote my latest plan for improving the nation's physical fitness. As you know, I have long advocated the use of pogo sticks as the perfect way to get our population into shape. Here's how we'll solve this: As you are no doubt aware, in two weeks National Pogo Stick Week begins. When it does, the two governors will have a race. Each will complete ten laps, on pogo sticks, around the new statue. The first to cross the finish line for the tenth time will win it for his state."

The governors were shocked by the verdict, but they had no choice but to accept it. They sullenly shook hands and agreed to meet in two weeks for the contest.

But what neither the President nor Governor Zephyr knew was that, in his younger days, Governor Gust of New Jersey had been a compulsive user of pogo sticks and had mastered the art to an extraordinary degree. He waited happily for the appointed day, confident that the contest would be no contest at all.

Governor Zephyr, meanwhile, practiced every day on the tennis courts of the New York Executive Mansion. He tried his best, but couldn't seem to gain more than the most limited skill on the strange device.

The days went by, and all over the country the talk was of the upcoming event. Favorites were picked and bets were made. Finally, the time came, and a great crowd of politicians, reporters, and interested spectators gathered in the shadow of the giant statue.

One newspaperman interviewed Governor Gust and asked him who he thought would win. As they were talking, a small dog walked up to them, and turned up its left ear, asking for a scratch. Governor Gust, who, it will be recalled, despised animals, kicked the poor canine in the stomach and sent it yelping away.

This act of cruelty did not go unobserved. Flying high overhead was a sparrow who was called Deusex, and she witnessed the entire affair. She vowed that the dastardly deed would be punished, and she circled overhead, waiting for her opportunity.

And so, the race began. No sooner had the President fired a pistol into the air than the two governors mounted their sticks and began their first laps. Governor Gust immediately flew ahead, bouncing gracefully up and down, and springing forward with each hop. Poor Governor Zephyr, on the other hand, could barely manage to stay balanced, and proceeded most unevenly, taking agonizingly long to advance even a few inches. The partisans of New York groaned in dismay.

Forward and forward leapt Governor Gust, completing first one lap, than another. Each time he passed Governor Zephyr, struggling helplessly to catch up, he'd give him a little wave and the New Jersey fans would laugh with glee.

Finally, a few feet before the line, as he was about to finish his tenth lap and win the race, Gust stopped advancing and decided to extend the agony as long as he could. He was ecstatic over the opportunity to revel in the crowd's adoration and to taunt the pitiful Zephyr. He began to bounce in place and perform tricks.

First he clasped the stick with his legs and started hopping with no hands. The crowd applauded wildly. Then he asked an aid to toss him a yo-yo and began to show off with that toy, never ceasing his up and down rhythm on the pogo stick. The crowd loved every minute. Then, he stunned them all by somehow managing to shift himself entirely around and stand on his hands, his feet swinging in the air, all the while bouncing with ease. The amazed crowd roared its approval.

Governor Zephyr meanwhile, did his best to at least complete his part with dignity. Doggedly he made his way forward, slowly, slowly completing his laps. The few spectators who bothered to pay any attention to him at all yelled derisive comments or jeered at him with mean-spirited snickers. The worst was when he had to pass the ecstatic Gust who always made sure to bring his act to a mini-climax each time Zephyr crossed. The crowd thought the contrast hilarious and burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Finally, Zephyr completed his ninth lap, and started on his tenth. Gust decided to begin his best trick, before ending the race at the last possible moment.

He gave his aides a prearranged sign and they tossed him two red balls, which Gust started to juggle. When he had established a pattern, they tossed him another, and then another. By the time Zephyr came bouncing into view he had seven balls flying above him in a smooth circle. The crowd had never seen anything like it and they could only look on in stunned admiration.

The sparrow Deusex, meanwhile, flying high above them all, had been carefully studying the entire scene, waiting for the proper moment to avenge the little dog Gust had so cruelly kicked earlier. As Zephyr slowly, slowly approached the finish line, she decided that the time had arrived.

When Zephyr had managed to come within a few feet of him, Gust announced "O.K., my friends, my public, my admirers, the show is over at last!" and tossed the balls back to his aides. Then he turned toward the finish line, and began to hop the final few feet that would win the race. But just as he was about to cross the line, Deusex swooped down and lashed at his face with her beak. The stunned governor tried desperately to shoo her away, but she avoided his wildly swinging arms and continued her attack. Finally, just as Zephyr was passing him, Gust lost his balance and fell, with a thud, to the ground. Inelegantly, ungracefully, Governor Zephyr managed to bounce his way over the line, oblivious to the curses of Gust. The race was won.

Deusex flew away, her sense of justice satisfied.

And that, as everyone knows, is how New York came to own the Statue of Liberty.